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PDF á BOOK Awkward By Ty Tashiro à In the vein of uiet and The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth comes this illuminating look at what it means to be awkward—and how the same traits that make us socially anxious and cause embarrassing faux pas also provide the seeds for extraordinary successAs humans we all need to belong While modern social life can Personality and sociology to help us better understand this widely shared trait He explores its nature vs nurture origins considers how the awkward view the world and delivers a welcome counterintuitive message the same characteristics that make people socially clumsy can be harnessed to produce remarkable achievementsInterweaving the latest research with personal tales and real world examples Awkward offers reassurance and provides valuable insights into how we can embrace our personal uirks and uniue talents to harness our awesome potential and comfortably navigate our complex worl A fun read that was than a little relatable this book covers a wide aspect of what being awkward means and some suggested ways to make social situations easier to navigateAwkward people see the world different from non awkward people using a narrow spotlight fragmented viewpoint rather than taking in the big social picture tone in the room level of formality etc This spotlighted attention gravitates towards nonsocial areas that are systematic in nature which is why they like the rules of math or logic of coding Awkward people often tell me 'I wish that people would give me a chance because I think that they will like me'The guiding uestion of social deliberations how do you fit in without losing yourself manners and etiuette serve as the common ground as baseline expectationsWhen individuals adhere to expectations such as friendly greetings or turn taking they are demonstrating in small ways that they want to be prosocial that they are aligned to the broader goals of the groupThe difference between social anxiety and awkwardness is anxiety is unreasonable fear about being inappropriate while awkwardness refers to concern over one's actual ability to be appropriate Awkward people sometimes have a heightened sense of fairness or compassion because they have been on the receiving end of unfair or unkind actsBeing socially skilled is like a language that most people are fluent in The three important cues that give awkward people trouble non verbal behaviours facial expressions and decoding language used during social conversationsThere is often an agitated vibe that characterises your interactions with awkward people giving the appearance that they are nervous upset or irritated If you view the awkward people as someone experiencing the interaction as particularly intense the unusual vibe starts to make senseAs a coping mechanism awkward people learn to temper this intensity by avoiding things that trigger strong emotions like avoiding eye contact sidestepping emotional conversations or might even feel overwhelmed by praise from othersAwkward people's emotional lives could be potentially adaptive think Kipling's if you can keep your head when everyone else is losing theirs being calm in stressful situations or having obssessive attention to detailBoth popular and likeable people tend to be socially fluent but people motivated by popularity use their mind reading skills to boost their social status or protect their position while likeable people use it for the greater good Likeable people are driven by 3 core values be fair be kind and be loyalBullies' moral reasoning capabilities are as sound as their peers though they show significantly lower levels of compassion and were likely to rationalise their immoral behaviour by seeing their selfish gains as taking precedence over the emotional costs incurred by victimsNumerous intellectuals have pointed to an interesting shift in the expectations held by the modern family The expectation used to be that parents simply provide a safe supportive environment for their children but that shifted to an expectations that parents intensely manage their children's progress towards discernable achievements in the classroom or playing fieldPart of the job description of being a child is to do some things that are socially inappropriate or foolish suffer the conseuences and then take responsibility for the correcting courseAwkward kids are slower to realise that factual comments can be hurtful or get other people in trouble; for them it's just reporting the factsMentally preparing kids for social interactions is no different from helping kids with their math homework There is a valuable opportunity to coaching them in concrete skills that can make a difference in their ability to smoothly navigate social situations and form meaningful tiesWhat awkward kids need from their families clear expectations a sound rationale for rules and routines and fairness in enforcing these expectations systemic treatmentBy heavily weighing fairness kindness and loyalty one buys leeway to bypass some of the minor social expectations working the halo effectWe end up being friends with people close by who are similar to us and reciprocate liking are willing to tell us they like usCore message of Alkon's book on manners good manners are important because they are a mechanism for showing other people empathy and respectEtiuette decreases the proportion of unpredictability in social situations a playbook for common scenarios allowing awkward people to focus on actually being in the momentGifted people tend to be stubborn rebellious and perfectionistic They show an unusual drive to master their area of interest and they are constantly trying to push the status uo which motivates them to pursue their interest with unusual intensity and persistence Ellen Winner calls this the rage to masterThe beauty of our social relationships is not about social awkwardness or skill but rather comes from our kind attention to thousands of social details

PDF ↠ Awkward By Ty Tashiro ¾ Ty Tashiro

Ose around us Though individuals may recognize their awkward disposition they rarely understand why they are like this which makes it hard for them to know how to adjust their behaviorPsychologist and interpersonal relationship expert Ty Tashiro knows what it’s like to be awkward Growing up he could do math in his head and memorize the earned run averages of every National League starting pitcher But he couldn’t pour liuids without spilling and habitually forgot to bring his glove to Little League games In Awkward he unpacks decades of research into human intelligence neuroscience Using himself as a case study author makes presents an argument that some autism diagnoses are social awkwardness After reading through the repetitious support my opinion aligns with hisThe book seemed to mimic the book uiet The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking in which introversion and awkwardness appear to go hand in hand Check out my fun review The author’s description of awkwardness seems to support my view of introversion “Awkward people are likely than non awkward people to process information in a detail oriented way which means that they sometimes have trouble seeing the bigger picture”The author continues about how friends are made or not ”Social psychologists have studied hundreds of possible factors that predict why people become friends After decades of testing elaborate theories the answer has repeatedly come down to three factors proximity similarity and reciprocated liking In other words we end up being friends with people who are close by who are similar to us and who are willing to tell us that they like us” Makes senseFor me personally this is what most resonated most as I look to make friends ”In an ongoing conversation the cues people use to evaluate others’ likability are not so much about what you say but rather how much they feel that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say” All of this makes sense but I’ve never thought of it through this lens Finally I have to say I enjoyed the stories of awkwardness throughout his childhood This should not be interpreted as laughing at him but rather that I essentially had the same experiences

Ty Tashiro ¾ Awkward By Ty Tashiro BOOK

Awkward By Ty TashiIn the vein of uiet and The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth comes this illuminating look at what it means to be awkward and how the same traits that make us socially anxious and cause embarrassing faux pas also provide the seeds for extraordinary successAs humans we all need to belong While modern social life can make even the best of us feel gawky for roughly one in five of us navigating its challenges is consistently overwhelming an ongoing maze without an exit Often unable to grasp social cues or master the skills and grace necessary for smooth interaction we feel out of sync with th I consider myself an awkward person However I am that rare awkward person who was blessed with a group of highly extroverted gregarious friends growing up whose constant slumber parties and note passing created a beautiful social bubble that kept me in regular contact with humans and also disguised the fact that without them I was shy and didn’t know how to talk to people Perhaps it occurred to me to wonder why I was always in trouble for talking too much in classes I shared with my friends yet turned into a silent mouse in classes with kids I didn’t know well but at the time it didn’t seem that weird to have two personalities depending on who was around Now I recognize that there exists a Taryn For Public Consumption who you’ll find sitting shifty eyed in the corner and fidgeting with a napkin and then like a Russian nesting doll a bunch of other progressively bigger louder I would argue funnier and if I’m being honest emotional Taryns that you might encounter if you get to know me better Thanks to the friend bubble I didn’t fully realize how awkward I was until college when that friend group dispersed and I was on my own to build a new one Let me tell you it was a rude awakening And nowadays when my awkwardness rears its head it continues to surprise me because most of my life I’ve perceived myself as a socially normal if not terribly popular or trendy person Then I walk into a crowded wedding reception full of tables for eight with my one husband and panic about which six strangers we’re going to have to make small talk with and I remember Oh yeah This is who I am I was just blissfully unaware of it for 18 years So reading Ty Tashiro’s book was extremely helpful to me because it validated a lot of things I’d wondered about myself but didn’t know how to put into words I’ve known I am an introvert for a while now but Tashiro points out that that label alone doesn’t fully explain everything about him and it doesn’t explain everything about my experience either It’s not just that I crave time alone it’s that when I am in a social situation I don’t know how to comport myself It’s possible to be introverted and still feel comfortable in social situations but it’s also possible to be introverted and feel paralyzed by them One doesn’t necessarily predict the other That was a big revelation for me and a comforting one since I’ve read so many introvert thinkpieces claiming that “being introverted doesn’t mean I’m socially inept” that left me wondering “But what if I am” If introversion didn’t explain my social hiccups did that mean I was defective According to Tashiro nope I’m just awkward Somehow that’s a lot easier to live with Tashiro also discusses the link between giftedness and awkwardness and while he’s careful to acknowledge that not all gifted kids are awkward and not all awkward kids are gifted there’s a higher prevalence of awkwardness among gifted kids than non gifted kids Which is a real duh moment if you’ve ever spent any time in a self contained gifted program I remember being totally flummoxed one time on a church trip after an interaction with one of the popular girls in my youth group Yes there were popular kids in youth group welcome to the Bible Belt She had loudly criticized the way I was applying sunscreen which drew the attention of the other kids and of course embarrassed me I remember thinking I know I am smarter than this girl I know the kind of grades she gets in school So why is it she knows how to get all these other kids on her side How does she know how to manipulate every situation so she ends up with power and I end up looking dumb I know I’m smart so why can’t I figure out how to be popular Now I know that while I may have been book smart that girl far outpaced me in social I and they’re two completely different kinds of intelligence Not everything in the book resonated with me but that’s to be expected because there are a lot of ways to be awkward and thankfully there are some awkward traits I don’t struggle with For example Tashiro tells a cute story on himself about a time in grade school when he made edits to his store bought Valentines because he was uncomfortable with the strong emotions they expressed Some awkward people are uncomfortable expressing or discussing strong emotions but as someone who feels compelled to externally process every emotion she experiences just ask my husband I don’t have that problem So I guess I’ve got that going for me Reflecting on my life this way has made me really thankful for that friend group I had growing up It makes me want to give each of those girls a hug and I’m not a hugger Without them I strongly suspect I would have spent most of my school years chewing on my hair and staring at the wall It also fills me with a kind of awe that my husband and I two incredibly awkward people managed to meet and date and fall in love with each other I remember our first date with eternal fondness but I’m sure to an outside observer it was like a slow moving train wreck than violins and birdsong Fortunately he’s the kind of guy who finds it endearing that I brought a book with meMore book recommendations by me at wwwreadingwithhipposcom